One Year of Being Single
Location: Historic Calvert, TX
Today was one of those perfect Saturdays where you get to do all the best things. From a long hike with my friend Erin to a stop in Calvert, TX for a little antique browsing I had a day that just filled my soul up. As I approach the one year mark of being single I realize how important this past year has been in regards to my personal growth. I am pretty sure this was the most significant jump in my entire life. After a huge breakup this time last year I decided before I spent any amount of time seeking a new relationship or even dating much for that matter, I would take time to unpeel the layers of my life and figure out why and how I got to where I was. My last relationship was pretty rough especially towards the end. We were going in significantly different directions and shared minimal life values. It was hard to break up but I knew at the time there was no other choice if I wanted to grow in my own life. I shared in a previous blog post - how to handle a major break up and more about my outlook in the post title how to handle being single over the holidays. Fast forward to this month where it officially ended a year ago. Here are my own reflections about how life improved, what changed in my perspective and some tips for growth in your own life.
First things first, you have to take time to heal over a major life change. Any time you try to build a life with another human you are going to have to unmesh and going through a process of uncoupling. It’s not easy. You will likely experience grief, anger, sadness, and then an upward turn. If you haven’t researched or heard about the stages of loss I recommend taking time to do so. Also, counseling is pretty helpful. For me, I experienced a lot of trauma during the past few years and it was time to get to the root of my emotions. Having a therapist work with me and provide healthy coping mechanisms was immensely helpful in my healing process. I believe therapy was one of the best catalysts for me to move forward. I had a support system, but getting an outside perspective made a big difference.
At first me time as tough. I wanted it, then I didn’t want it, then I didn’t know what to do with when I had it… I actually had to rediscover hobbies and interests all over again. I tried a variety of activities at home since I was under lock down at the beginning of the breakup. I began working more and more on my makeup and beauty business, writing constantly, and getting regular exercise. Some days were hard and I shed tears over the life I thought I was going to have but knew wouldn’t work but slowly over time those tears faded. By the end of summer I made a change and move into a new space. It was the perfect time for a fresh start. I chose to be close to my family and slowly started unpacking, decorating and organizing. During the holidays I focused on blogging more and creating beautiful content. I decorated my tree and home with festive decor and baked a ton of things from Sweet Laurel’s cookbook and blog.
At the beginning of the year I began increasing my physical activity. Whenever I felt a lot of stress I pushed my body to literally burn that stress off. By February I was running for the first time in my life. Each day I added a little more and a little more to my schedule until I worked my way up to 30 full minutes. I focused on having a schedule, habits and listened to several audio books on Audible. I had a plan every day, woke up and tried to execute to the best of my ability. As a mom who does distance learning, works at her home office and then runs an online business through social media I stayed busy in a good way. I made sure each area of my life: motherhood, work, business building, fitness and self care was getting attention. I realized how I lacked so much of this in my past when I was in a relationship. I gave much of my energy to the relationship instead of worrying about my own foudation.
So here we are, one full year later. A year of growth. A year of goal setting and executing. A year of finding healthy ways to cope with emotions. A year of building my business. A year of being a single parent. A year of transformation. If you have recently gone through a breakup too give yourself some grace. It will feel hard at the beginning. You don’t have to rush into anything - you don’t have to make a ton of changes. Just try to get through day by day. Then the days will turn into weeks and the weeks will turn into months. Try to deal with the emotions, the reasons it didn’t work and to get to the bottom of your life purpose. You can do it, one baby step at a time… I promise.
