Between Us, Dear: Loyalty Isn’t Abandoning Yourself

San Antonio, Texas

Dearest Friend, 

Between us, I cannot believe I lived so many years “supporting” someone who just said I wasn’t loyal enough. It didn’t matter how much I did or what I said; it was never enough. I told you in a previous letter that your value doesn’t need to be validated. Well, here’s another truth - loyalty doesn’t mean you need to abandon yourself. That’s sabotage. That’s boundary side-stepping or no boundary enforcement. My sweet friend - you just don’t need to keep on like this.

It’s exhausting enough to try to get things right for ourselves, but when we have someone telling us that we aren’t supportive or loyal enough, it’s even harder. It’s hard to find joy in those circumstances and slowly it will chip away at everything you thought you were made to be. Each time you deposit into his bank, you are taking away from your own. I know you have a big heart and just want to help. But doing someone else’s emotional labor is the opposite of growth for them. It means you are carrying the weight of both of you, and they are riding with ease.

That’s not sustainable. And it will drive you into suicide, insanity, or cyclical abuse. You don’t deserve a life like that; instead, you deserve to carry out your God-given purpose. I know it seems rough right now. I know it seems like there isn’t a way out. But if you lean not on your own understanding but on the Lord’s provision and plan, he will remove you and deliver you to the path you are destined to be on. So go ahead and put your loyalty in Him, our Creator. Watch it all turn around.

With heaps of love,

Crystal