Time for Change
A while back I started thinking about how I wanted to change some things in my life. I felt like after I had Baby Max I had some massive shedding of old thoughts, actions, and habits that I no longer wanted to have in my life anymore. I started a Pinterest board for this year labeled 2025 and towards the end of last year I began pinning images of the direction I wanted to go. I chose the word “Elegance” as theme for life to move forward and the Pinterest board encompassed not only elegant styles, locations, and snapshots, but it also serves as a reminder of the character I am moving towards. To me, the word “Elegance” is full of grace, patience, compassion, understanding, and most of all forgiveness. None of those virtues are easy. Not a single one. They aren’t virtues a human is just born with, but virtues that are developed will skill, practice, failure, and intention.
I decided a week ago to make changes in my home, wardrobe, therapy direction, and appearance. I changed my hair as a symbol that I was going to move in a different direction. Sometimes an outer change can help symbolize an inner transformation. I believe at any point in life you have the power to reinvent yourself. You have the power to make changes and not stay stuck in past cycles. You can renew your mind, soul, and body through daily practices and shed things that are of no value to your growth. Growth isn’t linear and it isn’t easy. It will feel like you are failing some days. Other days it will feel like triumph. But in the end, you’ll look back and realize that you can shed anything that does not serve your highest self.
For me, I had to shed fear. Fear that I wasn’t good enough. Fear that I would be abandoned. Fear that no matter how hard I tried, I would miss the mark. Fear that I am not loved. This is tough. It’s rooted in some pretty traumatic things that occurred in my life, but I know now that I can overcome anything if I set my eyes on Jesus. Instead of brooding, I started painting. Instead of staying in sorrow, I wrote scripture in my journal. Instead of being in the same patterns of fear, I stepped out into the world no matter how hard it was. I didn’t stop living. I chose to do it with shakey baby steps. I cannot take credit for it. Those baby steps were fueled by strength given through prayer.
It has not been easy. I felt so many months of misalignment. I felt the deepest pain in my heart. I also had some of the scariest thoughts one can think… but I am still here. I choose differently. I choose a better mental, emotional, and spiritual place. I choose not to stay in darkness but to emerge and help others lead themselves through Jesus to the light. Out of dark places emerge beautiful horizons. It’s darkest right before dawn.
I challenge you to evaluate your life right now. Are you struggling? Are you having repetitive thoughts? Are you in a loop? You can break it. It won’t be easy, but you can. Take the baby steps. Write down what you want your life to become. Pray heavily. When in doubt, pray. When you’re struggling mentally, pray. Write the prayers down. Block the fear, the inadequacy, and the torment with prayer. God will deliver. It may not look like what you imagined, but what is on the other side of this struggle is a version of heaven you don’t know about.
-XOXO, Crystal