God is a God of Suddenly
Your entire life can change in just a day. I know mine has several times over. God is a God of suddenly and instantly. Check out Acts in bible. Suddenly the room was filled with the Holy Spirit and their heads had flames shooting out of them in the upper room. They spoke in tongues and then 3,000 people accepted Christ that very day. God can deliver you out of Egypt in a mere hours. He can restore years of brokenness in weeks. We do not know his ways because they are higher than our ways, but we are called to have faith.
For the past few years I’ve been in a mix of feelings about life. There were so many growth moments, but during all that growth I experienced a large amount of grief. My brother passed away June 2023 from a fentanyl overdose. My grandmother the following January and she was the last living grandparent. Then came a difficult whirlwind of pregnancy and post-partum. I needed so much more rest during those seasons, but was pushed to help my then husband heal from Epstein Barr while keeping our businesses afloat. I ached to feel creative and many days felt like I barely made it through. Content creation still kept going but it wasn’t from a place of joy. I was doing it from a place of performance and that performance took it’s toll on my heart.
I kept piling things on my plate or allowing things to be piled, I don’t know which. All I know is that I needed rest and my soul felt like it was in a desert. I was thirsty for fulfillment, but only saw a wilderness. Finanlly after spending almost 3 years in fight or flight I began to wonder if I should no longer live. I would later learn that suicide ideation comes from the result of the nervous system being so activated that you do not see another way out. It’s past fight or flight and your body goes into a dorsal phase. After it’s exausted all of that, then comes the idea of death. Conflict was at an all time high inside the walls of what should have been a safe home. There was no pleasing, just more and more pressure and performance.
I would cry out to God. Daily. After many hotline calls and alot of counseling, I felt the courage to separate. I felt God telling me that I cannot get better in an environment that is pushing me down. Love can exists, but without peace there is no room for God’s kingdom to prevail. So separation would occur and I would not have a single thought about leaving Earth again. It’s like a curse lifted that day. Suddenly, I felt peace again. Suddenly, I felt God’s presence surround me in the mornings and I could easily sleep at night. After years of struggling with insomnia I would rest. I would focus on softness and becoming strong through being gentle.
God led me out of Egypt and the Wildnerness to start unfolding his Promised Land in my life. Day by day his voice became more clear. He instructed me to do all sorts of things both big and small. Oftentimes, they would not make sense until later. Like last week, I had just made a trip to the grocery store and was so excited about getting home and putting meals together. I walk to the grocery store as often as possible instead of driving for the fresh air and exercise. I was carrying things back when I saw a woman sitting under a bridge next to the sidewalk. She was focused on journaling and had a bible in her lap. She did not look up. As I walked past her I hear God say, Go say hi. Then he said, Pray over her. So I approached her and asked if I could pray over her. She opened up and told me she was back on the streets. I offered her a large bag of groceries. She insisted I keep them. I told her, “no, please take them.” Then, she opened the bag and saw it was mostly vegetables and exclaimed, “I’m a vegetarian!”
Only a message from God would have made that moment make sense. Most people buy snacks or fast food for people who are struggling… but God sent me. Although I am not a vegetarian, I rarely eat meat other than seafood, chicken or eggs. I don’t buy alot of packaged foods and stay as much as I can away from sugar. The woman needed hope. She wasn’t begging. She needed the exact items I had in my bag for her own faith to deepen. God knew I would obey so he sent me.
Later that evening as I was winding down and taking my makeup off I heard God share with me… If I sent you to her, don’t you think I’m sending someone to help you?
Today I rejoice. I rejoice in my faithful Father who is a God of suddenly. If you are lost in grief, forgot who you are, struggling to find yourself, or just need to be uplifted… join the new Authentically Made study. It will help you with restoring what the locusts stole during your years of struggle. You will find yourself to be a new creation in Christ. You were “fearfully and wonderfully made” - no one is like YOU! So let’s find our authentic self as we journey together.
