How to Handle a Major Break Up
Earlier this year I experienced the ending of a very very long relationship. I’m here to tell you that no matter how bad the relationship gets, the break up is not an easy path. Especially if you’ve intertwined your lives by moving in together, getting married or having a child together. I believe there is a mourning period for the end of anything in life no matter how joyful the ultimate outcome is. You can know in your mind and soul that ending the relationship is the best thing for yourself, but actually going through the breakup itself takes time to heal. The thing is, you had a life with this person and dreams and hopes. When a major relationship ends, those dreams end. The life you thought you had will never be that way and the hope for the relationship to improve ends, too. As I’ve watched many friends and famous relationships break up during COVID-19 I realized this is a topic that many could benefit from reading.
First things first, as with any loss in life you’ll have to come to terms with it. Maybe your breakup happened over a big fight or maybe it was more like mine was where you saw your lives moving in completely different directions. Either way, you’ll still have to actually realize this person is no longer going to fill the role they did before. Many people rush out to fill the void of the relationship with someone or something new. Believe me, I’ve done that in the past and it did not end well. The best possible thing is to give yourself time to heal. Give yourself time to go through the stages of loss. Give yourself time to grieve so that you can come out on the other side in a good place. A few things that will not help although they seem like a great idea in the moment: partying and or excessively drinking, pretending like nothing happened, or serial dating. None of this is going to make it better. Loss is loss and it’s best to give yourself room and time to heal.
If you’re like most people who were just in a relationship, suddenly you have a ton of time on your hands. Yep, think about it… no more late phone calls or long distance chats. No more watching tv together. No more activities you didn’t really want to do in the first place but went along for support. Nope, now it’s all about you… This was a positive but scary thing for myself. My major relationship ended at the beginning of COVID-19. I tried everything I could think of to make it work, but relationships take two parties. Suddenly, I had to fill the time and energy with something else. The entire country was on lockdown. I dove into personal development. I read and listened to as much as I could about leadership, network marketing, and positive mindset. It’s also an excellent time to start working out more. I increased my daily step count to over 10k steps and began practicing yoga at home again. Increasing your exercise will help your brain produce positive chemicals and get you feeling better faster.
Also, seek therapy and journal. Life changes just don’t have to be done alone. I used Talkspace and worked with an online therapist throughout the course of healing. It helped me have an outside perspective and gave me tools to help with sleep, anxiety and sadness. It also helped with gaining independence. If you are ending a relationship where finances are intertwined… it’s not exactly overnight. Getting outside counseling can help establish a better mindset and deal with fears that most humans have. Fears of not having enough money to pay the bills or how to get a new job.
Have faith. Yep. You heard me. Have faith. You got to this point in your life and survived all of the other things… of course you can make it though this break up, too! You can put your life back together. You can gain more strength. You can be better than you have in the past. You can do this. Strengthen your spiritual life. I believe my walk with God changed significantly during two periods of my life. Both were after breakups when I depended on my spiritual relationship daily. I cried out for direction. I dove into scripture. I am not perfect by any means, but I became obsessed with knowing answers from God and stopped seeking answers from people… and guess what? He cleared a path for me. God put the right people in my line of walking so I wouldn’t veer off. God also protected me from things that would harm me. Yes, there were many days I was unsure what would happen… but I still had hope and faith. Each day things got a little better.
Take your time to develop yourself. Becoming better takes time. Becoming a better you without the influence of a partner is a daily choice. I believe that rushing out to find a “new” person or “new” distraction doesn’t help in the long run. It’s better to be alone and whole than half a person in a couple. Take the time for YOU to figure out what purpose you serve in this lifetime. What are YOUR values? What is YOUR direction. Build a foundation for your life and spirituality that is unshakeable so that when you do meet another person you can determine whether or not they are right for you. There’s not a race to have the best couple life. You can be single and enjoy life as much as with a partner. I am living proof. I am by far the happiest and healthiest mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally than I have EVER been in my entire life. Become the person you were designed to be by God. The rest will fall into place. Also, feel free to eat copious amounts of chocolate and take lots of bubble baths along the way.
If you recently experienced a break up yourself I’d like to hear from you. Reach out to me on Facebook, Instagram or email me at threeheelclicksblog@gmail.com.
